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Here's the best, most succinct political message I've seen in a while.

This Pitcher Isn't Worth A Thousand Words

I had a very high opinion of Braves pitcher John Smoltz ... until I read this story this morning. It turns out Smoltz thinks legalizing same-sex marriage is akin to bestiality.

From the AP:

“Smoltz, a devout Christian, criticized those who want to legalize gay marriage,” the AP reported. “‘What’s next? Marrying an animal?’ he asked derisively.”

How enlightened! I don't know how Smoltz can pitch so well when he's dragging his knuckles on the ground.

Modest Proposals

Chris Owens at Alternet suggests a few more amendments for Bush to champion.

This Land Was Made For You And Me

This shockwave movie takes a while to load, but it's worth it.

FMA Holes

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If you think giving gay couples basic legal rights might somehow infringe on your marriage, you need a marriage counselor, not a constitutional amendment.

Bush and his right-wing extremist cronies would do well to look at the Human Rights Campaign's Top Ten Reasons for Marriage Equality. But, let's face it: those folks won't look at anything that doesn't uphold their intolerant views. So perhaps instead we should at what Focus on the Family says about same-sex marriage:

Marriage is not just a private affair. Every marriage is a public virtue in that it responsibly regulates human sexuality, brings the two parts of humanity together in a cooperative and mutually beneficial relationship and it delivers mothers and fathers to children.

So, if I'm understanding Focus on the Family correctly, marriage is a purely public entity, and not a legal agreement between two loving individuals? You know what: that does sound kind of familiar. Where have I heard that philosophy espoused before.

Why yes -- it was during my last trip to Oceania:

All marriages between Party members had to be approved by a committee appointed for the purpose, and -- though the principle was never clearly stated -- permission was always refused if the couple concerned gave the impression of being physically attracted to one another. The only recognized purpose of marriage was to beget children for the service of the Party.

A Ho New World

We walked through the doors to Taco Bell, but found ourselves entering a strange new country: Skankland. What an experience! Here's some basic information:

Country name: Skankland
Capital city: Holando
National dress: Women between the ages of 13 and 65 are required to bare their midriffs and, in many cases, their beer bellies. T-shirts with words like "kitty" or "devil" spelled out in sequins are popular. For men, belts are verboten and all pants are two sizes too big.
National motto: "C'mon, ho!"
National anthem: The latest Britney Spears song
National favorite accessory: Sequined cell phones that play the national anthem
National transportation: A $2,000 used Honda Civic, accessorized with $3,000 worth of stereo equipment and lights
National aspiration: To work at Hooters (for women); to eat at Hooters (for men)

Skankland: it's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Actually, it's not a nice place to visit. Avoid it altogether.

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From The E-mail Inbox

Just got this gem in the mail from a friend:

A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the border.
 
"May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent.
 
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replies the guy.
 
"Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent.
 
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims. "I have a picture of John F. Kennedy tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Bill Clinton on the other."
 
"This I gotta see," replies the agent. With that, the traveler drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent. "By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent. "Go on home to Texas"
 
"Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from Texas?"
 
The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of George W. Bush in the middle.